i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize