i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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