We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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