dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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