Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
