whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
