I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
