he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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