So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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