i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
