After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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