No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
