what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
