This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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