we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
