you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Never underestimate the power of titties
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
