Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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