ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
