He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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