he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
