Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I intend to get homeless drunk
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
