That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
