I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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