You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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