I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
