This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
