I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Quick, to the slutcave!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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