thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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