I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
