I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
