Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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