winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just gargled with NyQuil
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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