how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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