the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
