You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think my tv is drunk
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
