i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i dont even know how to be here
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
