you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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