I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
