Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
someone owes me an orgasm
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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