Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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