you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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