If i come over, it means nothing
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
