She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
