I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
