You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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