and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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