the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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