I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
