They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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