it's like iHOP with fire
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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