He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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