I wanna passion pit in your ass
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
