I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
