My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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