i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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