I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
