i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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