You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
