So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
