she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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