We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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