We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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