she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
