fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
