i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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