you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
