i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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