i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
