It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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